Losing Friends the Facebook Way

The other day I wanted to check in on a friend who had been dealing with some health problems over the last year. I went to his Facebook page to see what posts I had been missing when I realized we were no longer friends. I wasn’t sure what happened and I decided not to text him to find out what happened. But it did bother me.

One of the great things about social media is that it allows you to stay in touch with people who you might not normally be able to keep up with on a daily basis. Whether it is old friends from school or distant family members or buddies who live in another state or country, social media has opened doors that haven’t always existed. On the downside is the rejection that comes with the realities of being unfriended or unfollowed on social media.

In the case of this particular friend, he lives a couple of hours away and isn’t someone I normally talk to. However, he checked in on me daily when I was struggling with my back injury and recovery, and that always kept him in high regard for me. Only a handful of my friends went so far as to check on me during that time via phone or social media, so I greatly appreciated everyone who actually took time out of their day to make sure I wasn’t feeling down. So, to see this person suddenly delete me as a friend on Facebook was surprising, to say the least.

Given the posts that have appeared on my pages, I can sometimes understand why some people may choose to opt out of that. I have been political in the past. I have taken strong stances on some controversial issues. I like to take photos and I like to post them. I write a weekly blog, I do volunteer work and I routinely contribute to Nondoc. Much of that is posted on my social media pages. But lately I haven’t been posting all that much on my personal pages, while instead focusing on building my company pages and attempting to find new clients who will allow me to run their business social media pages.

For some people, being unfriended on Facebook or Twitter isn’t something that matters to them. It’s a popularity contest, but some people legitimately don’t concern themselves with who is following them. For most of us, however, social media rejection is something that feels almost as empty as losing a friend outside of social media.

I’m used to having my friend lists on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook fluctuating. Especially with Twitter and Instagram, I have a lot of non-friends following me and I rarely notice when their pages go away or they decide to no longer follow me. But with Facebook, it is more personal. Most of the 700-plus people who I have befriended there are someone I am friends with outside of Facebook. So, if they decide to unfriend me (or not accept my friend request, as has also happened), it can feel the same as if they called me on the phone and said to never talk to them again. It’s personal.

The truth is, many of you who read this will laugh and find it humorous that someone would actually care enough about social media that losing a friend on Facebook would actually mean anything. But my guess is that friend who was so supportive less than two years ago is someone I could never talk to again, and it all began with a random decision to delete me as a Facebook friend.

So, yes, the struggle is real, even if it isn’t something that some of you don’t take seriously. Keep that in mind as you randomly blow off a friend request from someone you know or if you decide to cut social media ties with a long-time friend for reasons unknown. Social media is an extension of our daily lives and there is significant meaning to unfriending someone. You are literally telling them they are no longer your friend.

A Father's Day to Remember

This past weekend was one of those that will serve as a memory that will stick with me for a long time. There was a “celebration of life” for my son’s maternal grandmother on Saturday night, followed by Father’s Day on Sunday. Little did I know that I would get the best Father’s Day gift on Saturday night rather than on the holiday itself.

The evening’s event was built around the joy of Paytyn’s mom’s mother, Becky Tilly Krapff, finally being free of pain and in a better place. My former brother-in-law, Ben Rogers, did an outstanding job talking about what Becky brought to those around her and how much she appreciated everyone around her. But it was what he said about Paytyn that really pushed tears to the edge of my eyes.

Ben singled Paytyn out as someone who Becky loved to have conversations with, regardless of the topic. For those who know my son, he loves to talk politics, history, geography and current events. That alone is enough to make me proud of him.

However, Ben spoke about how Paytyn was conversational with everyone, and that his engagements were always well-spoken and thoughtful. Ben recalled how Paytyn had brought up the epic of Gilgamesh and about how he had determined that his best legacy would be through how he treated people. It was a great comparison to the life that Becky had lived.

Paytyn has always been the center of my universe, and the life I have carved out has always been done with him in mind. Now, with just one year before he goes off to college, I find myself running out of time to spend with him while I still get to claim parental rights. But I continue to enjoy every minute, and Saturday night provided me a reminder of just how much I appreciate who my son has become.

Over the course of my life, I have been in several roles – son, brother, student, teacher, reporter, manager, bartender, public address announcer, public relations professional, candidate, husband. I could go on and on. But I have always maintained that my favorite role has been and will always be as a dad.

Whether it is the frequent camping trips or the vacations to various places or the family events or the engaging conversations, Paytyn has always been my favorite person to have around me. So, yeah, Father’s Day is always special to me, and this Father’s Day made me feel as proud as I could have ever imagined.

KD Just Another NBA Free Agent

It has been a wild sports week that concluded with Golden State winning its second championship in three years. With a team that could produce a lineup that would likely beat an All-Star team of NBA players, the Warriors needed only 17 postseason games to win the 16 required to win the title.

When Kevin Durant announced last Independence Day that he was joining the best team in the NBA so that he could win a ring, it was a foregone conclusion that he would get his ring. He had become a bandwagon player, and he announced that he was along for the ride.

KD is not without his share of supporters, who claim his choice of going to the Warriors is the same as you or me deciding to change jobs. It is not the same. If you or I are the CEO of Microsoft and we suddenly left to take the same job at Apple, then it would be close to the same. You or I don’t even compare to someone like Kyle Singler changing jobs because sports offers a competitive element that just doesn’t exist in the business world.

Having chased a ring the way he did, KD is in a class (or lack of) all his own as a former MVP joining an established world champion just to get some hardware on his finger. His title doesn’t compare to the championships won by leaders such as Dirk Nowitzki (Dallas) or Chauncey Billups (Detroit), who were the top players on teams that were built around them. KD is just one additional piece – albeit, a great piece – that was added to a team that had already proven it could win titles in any given year.

KD gets to go down as history as a guy in the same category of a J.J. Barea, who is jokingly referred to as the only player to shut down LeBron James in a finals. Barea, who was on the Mavs team that won four straight to beat the Heat in 2011, was a piece on a team that relied on other players to win. Sound like anyone you know? The difference is Dallas actually needed Barea to win the title whereas Golden State has proven they can win without KD (title in 2015 and 73 regular season wins last year). So, actually, KD isn’t even in Barea’s category.

It was big news for Oklahoma as Bob Stoops retired, Lincoln Riley was announced as the head coach and Mike Gundy finally signed a five-year contract extension. Gundy has a 2-10 record against OU with Stoops on the sideline, so it will be interesting to see if that losing continues versus Riley. Both teams are showing up in top-10 rankings so it should be an interesting season.

Did anyone realize the final leg of the Triple Crown of racing took place this past weekend? That’s what happens when there is no consistent champion for all three of the major races. I’m predicting the future of horse racing as a national feature may be on a final descent. It was exciting when American Pharaoh won the Triple Crown but it feels like there is no excitement anymore when it comes to horse racing. I’m hoping I’m wrong.

What happened to all the talk between a fight involving Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor? It seems to have quieted down but I suspect we will hear something soon. Who do you like if there is such a matchup? I like McGregor’s power but I suspect Mayweather wouldn’t accept the challenge if he wasn’t confident he could easily take the MMA fighter. Hopefully, we’ll get a chance to find out.

It’s too bad the NHL playoffs are over. They were so much more entertaining than the NBA playoffs. The Nashville Predators story was a great one and the Pittsburgh Penguins won their second straight championship. I’m already looking forward to next season with teams like Toronto and Edmonton gaining more experience and veteran teams like Chicago, Washington and the New York Rangers still near the top.

And we can’t forget about golf with the U.S. Open taking place this weekend. Despite recent struggles, Dustin Johnson is still my pick to win. I’m disappointed Phil Mickelson won’t be playing this year but I have nothing but respect that he chose to attend his daughter’s graduation rather than play in the one major he hasn’t yet won. Maybe next year, Phil.