I am typically not one to hear a sermon and immediately figure out just how it should apply to my life. Today, however, the church message seemed to immediately reflect some thoughts I was having in my own personal life. Without getting too far in, the message basically was that we will speak boldly when we believe deeply.
For the purposes of the sermon, the message was intended to reflect that those who are stronger believers in Christianity would tend to be stronger messengers of that message. Probably. Maybe. I mean, there are probably some huge believers of something who just don't know exactly how to properly interact with people and can't boldly get a message across. That is just how life works - some people just have better relational skills than others.
However, for my purposes what stood out about this was tied to what I go through in life every day. For those of you who know or maybe don't know (and I realized this week this "know or maybe don't know" is a phrase I apparently love to use), I have been the media specialist for Langston University. Recently, after losing our director, I have taken on the additional task of handling the marketing for the main campus. So, now I have the normal pressure of being a publicist for the main campus and now I have an additional duty (among other duties) to tie that to our advertising and marketing goals as well.
I realized that my job duties tied to today's sermon almost immediately. People often come by our office and suggest it, or sometimes just talk about it behind our backs about the need to do more to get out positive messages about what it is that Langston University has to offer. In so many ways, I agree. What we have been attempting to work on is to get more people to step up and let us know what they know that they aren't telling us. And then what can we do to get them to tell us so that we can tell everyone else. It would be like trying to spread Christianity without having the stories in the Bible. But even then, we haven't yet hit the relationship between the sermon and the task at hand.
If you have people who want the university to look good and then they bad-mouth everyone and everything about the university, they are speaking boldly (negatively) about something they DO NOT believe deeply. If they are viewing their job only as a paycheck, then they are not fully committing themselves to believing in the positives that take place around them every day. I'm not using this forum as a way to criticize those people but it goes along with the phrase - if you are not with me, then you must be against me. So my hope is that people will take some evaluations of themself and determine what they want - personal fulfullment and riches or doing what is best for the school for which they work. In as much as it wouldn't help the Christian religion any to have all of its followers be agnostics and atheists, Langston University is in need of positive support more so than at any other time.
We have plenty of people who sit around and complain - they are called voters (and I say this somewhat tongue-in-cheek but also from experience). Those who want to do something positive need to do so and remember that to have the ability to speak boldly, you must first believe deeply. The time to believe is now.
J.W.O.A.G.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Time
Having not blogged for two weeks, I thought it would be appropriate to focus this particular topic to time. The Rolling Stones once said "Time Is On My Side" but I think those were just song lyrics. I'm not sure anyone ever feels like they have enough time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was bored!
The great thing about where I am at in life now is that I am in the rare and enviable position of having a legitimate 40-hour a week job. But when you tack on driving time, it does seem more like a 50-hour a week job. But even with that, I still have an extra 10 to 20 hours a week than I have had with most of my working life. And yet, I still seem to find myself not having time to keep up with those things I want to do the most.
In addition to working, I have commitments that involve my son. Those involve coaching his basketball team (games on Mondays, practices on Tuesdays), spending time with him every other weekend, and going to other events that may come up from time to time. I occasionally help my mom move stuff around or help out people who need things done or just hang out with people who I need to catch up with. But it seems that every week, I have run out of time. Even tonight, I have some documents I need to review for work tomorrow. I just hope I have time!!!
That said, I hope I don't run out of time again when it comes to blogging since it is a great opportunity for me to sit back and focus my thoughts. And then share them with all of you (all two of you as it stands now)! But it all comes down to time, and I feel like I just need to better channel my energies with the time I have.
J.W.O.A.G.
The great thing about where I am at in life now is that I am in the rare and enviable position of having a legitimate 40-hour a week job. But when you tack on driving time, it does seem more like a 50-hour a week job. But even with that, I still have an extra 10 to 20 hours a week than I have had with most of my working life. And yet, I still seem to find myself not having time to keep up with those things I want to do the most.
In addition to working, I have commitments that involve my son. Those involve coaching his basketball team (games on Mondays, practices on Tuesdays), spending time with him every other weekend, and going to other events that may come up from time to time. I occasionally help my mom move stuff around or help out people who need things done or just hang out with people who I need to catch up with. But it seems that every week, I have run out of time. Even tonight, I have some documents I need to review for work tomorrow. I just hope I have time!!!
That said, I hope I don't run out of time again when it comes to blogging since it is a great opportunity for me to sit back and focus my thoughts. And then share them with all of you (all two of you as it stands now)! But it all comes down to time, and I feel like I just need to better channel my energies with the time I have.
J.W.O.A.G.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Lockouts
The NBA joined its big brother NFL this week in locking out the players after the contracts ended between the respective players associations and the league associations. Although a legitimate case can be made for each of the two sides in this dispute, the biggest case should be made for the association who ultimately pays the bills - the fans!
But first, I'll start with the owners. They take on the ultimate risk of owning a multi-million dollar business and trying to keep it financially solvent while also putting out a product that is competitive and fan-friendly. And knowing that only one team a year (usually out of about 30 or so total) can claim the top prize - so that means that most of the teams have to walk about feeling unsatisfied. (Except for the Minnesota Vikings ownership, who should just be happy to have something to do.) I do not doubt that these billionaire owners (let's be honest about who could actually qualify to own a team) have invested some risk into owning their respective teams. But let's also not forget that most, if not all, of these owners made their money being successful at something even bigger than competitive sports (hard to believe, huh?!). Think about it - if Jerry Jones is successful or unsuccessful as the owner of the Dallas Cowflops, it really won't matter financially. He'll write off losses and he will still have successful businesses that can keep him fiscally happy.
Let's call ownership of an NFL and NBA team what it is - a hobby. An expensive one, yes, but just a hobby. That said, the risk is less in my mind than people claim it is. Thus, I am not feeling too sorry for the owners just yet.
Now, let's look at the players. I don't often find myself feeling sorry for millionaires but we are being asked to be sympathetic to a group of guys whose own personal risks involve possible career-threatening injuries or just personnel decisions that cause them to pursue another career. However, the reality here is that we all have to deal with this when we either go or choose not to go to college. They decided to invest in a future that involved a career in professional athletics. I personally chose journalism (public relations) and now have to deal with the financial failings of that decision. They chose to play a sport they loved (which is not to say I don't love what I do but I don't get paid when I still play basketball) and then they turned around and said I should be sympathetic to their "plight" because they have families. Yeah, me too - except I don't have three Mercedes in the driveway of my mansion that I can turn around and sell so that I can feed my child. But enjoy that weekend in Vegas with your girlfriend while your wife and kids sit at home and starve on that steak and lobster buffet!
Yes, I realize not all NFL and NBA players live that life. But a lot of them do and that is the reality of the perception that is out there. And they have one major thing working against them - many of them did a really poor job of looking ahead to what they might do after their pro careers are over, and because college was used as a stepping stone many lack the education that would otherwise help them in their careers. I've been a strong advocate for treating pro sports in a similar way as being a doctor or attorney. However, instead of requiring a doctorate or a law degree, I suggest that anyone who wants to play in one of the major sports leagues have at least a two-year degree that includes a focus on finance, social interaction, and dealing with the media. I have a feeling if more athletes were fine-tuned in those areas, fan support would be tremendous for them.
Another group that has been talked about lately are the vendors, and I can't say I don't feel sorry for this group. It is unfortunate that companies who invested in the franchises in the various cities may end up going out of business because millionaires and billionaires are greedy people. But it is what it is, and they are ultimately the ones who would have the lightest level of influence in this matter.
At the end of the day, we have the fans as the ones left out of the negotiations but the ones who truly have the most invested. We are the really the ones who pay the salaries since none of the leagues would have anything without our dollars and our butts in the seats and our purchasing power that leads to big TV contracts and advertising revenues. So my suggestion (since they aren't asking me or any other fan to sit in on the negotiations) is to take that money that seems to be preventing a deal to be reached and just give it back to the fans. Then the owners and players just get what they have, and the fans get something back for having to listen to these whiny people (I really want to call them so much worse!). It's not the perfect solution but they have had more than enough time to start acting like adults and now it is time for the bill payers to have their say in this matter.
I know that at end of the day (or season), they will reach agreements in both leagues. Both sides will claim they won, and they will both insist that any concessions that were made were done for the fans and for the good of the game. And it will all be BS! The agreements will be reached because the Jerry Jones and James Dolans (Knicks owner) of the world will insist on seeing the fruits of their empires back on an active revenue stream. The players who are on the minimum end of the wage scale (I feel your pain, even if I make one-tenth of your salary!) will realize they didn't plan on a year-long "strike" and will be willing to take a little less. And if even one game is lost or the season is shortened at all, the fans will have lost due to greed. Let's get it together guys - this is ridiculous!
J.W.O.A.G.
But first, I'll start with the owners. They take on the ultimate risk of owning a multi-million dollar business and trying to keep it financially solvent while also putting out a product that is competitive and fan-friendly. And knowing that only one team a year (usually out of about 30 or so total) can claim the top prize - so that means that most of the teams have to walk about feeling unsatisfied. (Except for the Minnesota Vikings ownership, who should just be happy to have something to do.) I do not doubt that these billionaire owners (let's be honest about who could actually qualify to own a team) have invested some risk into owning their respective teams. But let's also not forget that most, if not all, of these owners made their money being successful at something even bigger than competitive sports (hard to believe, huh?!). Think about it - if Jerry Jones is successful or unsuccessful as the owner of the Dallas Cowflops, it really won't matter financially. He'll write off losses and he will still have successful businesses that can keep him fiscally happy.
Let's call ownership of an NFL and NBA team what it is - a hobby. An expensive one, yes, but just a hobby. That said, the risk is less in my mind than people claim it is. Thus, I am not feeling too sorry for the owners just yet.
Now, let's look at the players. I don't often find myself feeling sorry for millionaires but we are being asked to be sympathetic to a group of guys whose own personal risks involve possible career-threatening injuries or just personnel decisions that cause them to pursue another career. However, the reality here is that we all have to deal with this when we either go or choose not to go to college. They decided to invest in a future that involved a career in professional athletics. I personally chose journalism (public relations) and now have to deal with the financial failings of that decision. They chose to play a sport they loved (which is not to say I don't love what I do but I don't get paid when I still play basketball) and then they turned around and said I should be sympathetic to their "plight" because they have families. Yeah, me too - except I don't have three Mercedes in the driveway of my mansion that I can turn around and sell so that I can feed my child. But enjoy that weekend in Vegas with your girlfriend while your wife and kids sit at home and starve on that steak and lobster buffet!
Yes, I realize not all NFL and NBA players live that life. But a lot of them do and that is the reality of the perception that is out there. And they have one major thing working against them - many of them did a really poor job of looking ahead to what they might do after their pro careers are over, and because college was used as a stepping stone many lack the education that would otherwise help them in their careers. I've been a strong advocate for treating pro sports in a similar way as being a doctor or attorney. However, instead of requiring a doctorate or a law degree, I suggest that anyone who wants to play in one of the major sports leagues have at least a two-year degree that includes a focus on finance, social interaction, and dealing with the media. I have a feeling if more athletes were fine-tuned in those areas, fan support would be tremendous for them.
Another group that has been talked about lately are the vendors, and I can't say I don't feel sorry for this group. It is unfortunate that companies who invested in the franchises in the various cities may end up going out of business because millionaires and billionaires are greedy people. But it is what it is, and they are ultimately the ones who would have the lightest level of influence in this matter.
At the end of the day, we have the fans as the ones left out of the negotiations but the ones who truly have the most invested. We are the really the ones who pay the salaries since none of the leagues would have anything without our dollars and our butts in the seats and our purchasing power that leads to big TV contracts and advertising revenues. So my suggestion (since they aren't asking me or any other fan to sit in on the negotiations) is to take that money that seems to be preventing a deal to be reached and just give it back to the fans. Then the owners and players just get what they have, and the fans get something back for having to listen to these whiny people (I really want to call them so much worse!). It's not the perfect solution but they have had more than enough time to start acting like adults and now it is time for the bill payers to have their say in this matter.
I know that at end of the day (or season), they will reach agreements in both leagues. Both sides will claim they won, and they will both insist that any concessions that were made were done for the fans and for the good of the game. And it will all be BS! The agreements will be reached because the Jerry Jones and James Dolans (Knicks owner) of the world will insist on seeing the fruits of their empires back on an active revenue stream. The players who are on the minimum end of the wage scale (I feel your pain, even if I make one-tenth of your salary!) will realize they didn't plan on a year-long "strike" and will be willing to take a little less. And if even one game is lost or the season is shortened at all, the fans will have lost due to greed. Let's get it together guys - this is ridiculous!
J.W.O.A.G.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Fathers Day
Yeah, yeah, I know - it's a week after Fathers Day. But for me, I didn't get to have my Fathers Day meal with my son until Friday night so technically I'm only two days behind (and since FD is supposed to be a Sunday, I'm right on time!). But I did want to say a nice thing about fathers this week and this is the time of year to do just that.
I became a father on September 9, 1999 (9/9/99 for those of you scoring at home) at 9:09 a.m. Actually it was at 6:07 a.m. but 9:09 would have been so perfect! But yeah, it was undoubtedly the best day of my life. Sure, I was tired from staying up all night and that fatigue would only really start to go away a couple of months later. But bringing life into the world was such a great feeling and something I am so glad I was able to do at least once in my lifetime.
Since that time, I have done my best to be the greatest father I can be. Admittedly, I have occasionally fallen into the trap of working too many hours and not getting to spend much time with my son. When he was two, I was working three jobs and approximately 80 hours a week so that we could afford a mortgage that somebody (I'm not naming names here) had to have. In hindsight, I would have loved to have had more of that time to be around my son. And unfortunately, having one or two fewer jobs may have lowered the number of hours but only by a few. Ultimately, spending so much time working led to less time around my family and that helped formulate the end of my family.
But through it all, I always had a loving relationship with my son and that only enhanced when I found myself living on my own. I was seeing him less than ever, yet we seemed to form a bond around that time and it has remained that way even now. So all of this is to get this point across - I haven't always done things right, but I'm a great father. I feel that I am a really good writer, a decent athlete, and a really nice guy but what I do best is my role as a dad. And I get to see that in his smiles, his laughs, his eyes, and his actions. He means the world to me and I have no doubt he feels the same about me.
That said, I'm not making any claims to be the father of the year even if I do believe I am one of the better ones. If you are a father - congratulations and be the best father you can be! If you know a father or used to be married to one or are married to one now, make sure they know how much you appreciate them. Mothers deserve the recognition they get but this is our day and our week and our month (I don't ask for much, do I?). And if you aren't being a good father, then screw you! Your kid(s) deserve better than that and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Anyway, I didn't intend to just write once this week but it has been a hectic week. Hopefully, I will be able to make up for postings this upcoming week!
J.W.O.A.G.
I became a father on September 9, 1999 (9/9/99 for those of you scoring at home) at 9:09 a.m. Actually it was at 6:07 a.m. but 9:09 would have been so perfect! But yeah, it was undoubtedly the best day of my life. Sure, I was tired from staying up all night and that fatigue would only really start to go away a couple of months later. But bringing life into the world was such a great feeling and something I am so glad I was able to do at least once in my lifetime.
Since that time, I have done my best to be the greatest father I can be. Admittedly, I have occasionally fallen into the trap of working too many hours and not getting to spend much time with my son. When he was two, I was working three jobs and approximately 80 hours a week so that we could afford a mortgage that somebody (I'm not naming names here) had to have. In hindsight, I would have loved to have had more of that time to be around my son. And unfortunately, having one or two fewer jobs may have lowered the number of hours but only by a few. Ultimately, spending so much time working led to less time around my family and that helped formulate the end of my family.
But through it all, I always had a loving relationship with my son and that only enhanced when I found myself living on my own. I was seeing him less than ever, yet we seemed to form a bond around that time and it has remained that way even now. So all of this is to get this point across - I haven't always done things right, but I'm a great father. I feel that I am a really good writer, a decent athlete, and a really nice guy but what I do best is my role as a dad. And I get to see that in his smiles, his laughs, his eyes, and his actions. He means the world to me and I have no doubt he feels the same about me.
That said, I'm not making any claims to be the father of the year even if I do believe I am one of the better ones. If you are a father - congratulations and be the best father you can be! If you know a father or used to be married to one or are married to one now, make sure they know how much you appreciate them. Mothers deserve the recognition they get but this is our day and our week and our month (I don't ask for much, do I?). And if you aren't being a good father, then screw you! Your kid(s) deserve better than that and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Anyway, I didn't intend to just write once this week but it has been a hectic week. Hopefully, I will be able to make up for postings this upcoming week!
J.W.O.A.G.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
End of the Road
This is has been an unusual week for me in many ways but especially considering that two people whom I have met died. Clara Luper actually died the previous Wednesday evening - the day I returned from my vacation. She was 88 and I don't think I am stepping out on a limb to say that her passing wasn't unexpected. I can't speak for everyone but once a person reaches a certain point in their elderly age, I'm just never surprised when they finally take their final journey. That's not to say that I am not deeply saddened by the loss of that person, but it is just something that is unexpected.
However, for 24-year-old Langston University student Joshua Griffin, his death was completely unexpected and something that really overwhelmed a campus already mourning Mrs. Luper's death. Josh was someone I really only met in passing, someone I would exchange a "Hi, how are you?" and then move on. But for most on the campus, it was a tragic death for someone who always had a smile on his face and was typically upbeat and optimistic. Josh died doing what he loved but definitely not in a manner anyone would have ever predicted. He and a group of volunteers for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service were walking backwards with a net in two feet of water in an attempt to find Arkansas shiners. A sand bar covering a hole in the river bottom ground gave way and Josh began sliding into the river's strong current and much deeper waters. Attempts to reach out and pull Josh back to shore were unsuccessful and he was pulled under with the current. They discovered his body a few hours later down river.
A death of someone so young is always tragic, especially in the case of someone who had worked so hard to elevate his life. Josh was just four hours away from graduating and was working with the federal wildlife agency on a project that his school professors said was typical of the type of work he loved. He had apparently also applied to go to graduate school at OSU so he was anticipating big things from himself in the future. God be with you, Josh!
The day Josh's death occurred happened to be the same day our office announced that the next day would be a day of mourning for Clara Luper at the Langston University campus. A civil rights pioneer who engineered and participated in the nation's first-ever sit in at Katz Drug Store in Oklahoma City in 1958, Mrs. Luper was someone I had first met when covering a task force at the State Capitol several years ago. Unfortunately, the significance of whom I was meeting was lost on me at the time but I soon discovered that she was someone whose name could be mentioned in the same breath as Rosa Parks and that she had been a strong follower of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
I was able to attend the funeral services for Mrs. Luper on Friday (yesterday if you are reading this the date I posted it) and it was an amazing service. I arrived at 9:30, the choir began at 10, and the service itself finished up just short of 2:30. But some of the stories were fantastic and I believe I may have personally witnessed some of the best speakers of my time. The basic message though was the opposite of the old Roman quote regarding Caesar (and I am taking some liberties here): "I have come not to bury Clara Luper but to praise her." It was quite a service for a woman whose name should never be forgotten.
So, two people took that final journey - one who was considered one of the greatest civil rights icons of all time and the other a student who was too young to have reached the point where his achievements could be realized. In God's eyes, they are both great and they should both be remembered for having a significant impact on the lives of those around them. Rest in peace, Clara Luper and Joshua Griffin!
J.W.O.A.G.
However, for 24-year-old Langston University student Joshua Griffin, his death was completely unexpected and something that really overwhelmed a campus already mourning Mrs. Luper's death. Josh was someone I really only met in passing, someone I would exchange a "Hi, how are you?" and then move on. But for most on the campus, it was a tragic death for someone who always had a smile on his face and was typically upbeat and optimistic. Josh died doing what he loved but definitely not in a manner anyone would have ever predicted. He and a group of volunteers for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service were walking backwards with a net in two feet of water in an attempt to find Arkansas shiners. A sand bar covering a hole in the river bottom ground gave way and Josh began sliding into the river's strong current and much deeper waters. Attempts to reach out and pull Josh back to shore were unsuccessful and he was pulled under with the current. They discovered his body a few hours later down river.
A death of someone so young is always tragic, especially in the case of someone who had worked so hard to elevate his life. Josh was just four hours away from graduating and was working with the federal wildlife agency on a project that his school professors said was typical of the type of work he loved. He had apparently also applied to go to graduate school at OSU so he was anticipating big things from himself in the future. God be with you, Josh!
The day Josh's death occurred happened to be the same day our office announced that the next day would be a day of mourning for Clara Luper at the Langston University campus. A civil rights pioneer who engineered and participated in the nation's first-ever sit in at Katz Drug Store in Oklahoma City in 1958, Mrs. Luper was someone I had first met when covering a task force at the State Capitol several years ago. Unfortunately, the significance of whom I was meeting was lost on me at the time but I soon discovered that she was someone whose name could be mentioned in the same breath as Rosa Parks and that she had been a strong follower of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
I was able to attend the funeral services for Mrs. Luper on Friday (yesterday if you are reading this the date I posted it) and it was an amazing service. I arrived at 9:30, the choir began at 10, and the service itself finished up just short of 2:30. But some of the stories were fantastic and I believe I may have personally witnessed some of the best speakers of my time. The basic message though was the opposite of the old Roman quote regarding Caesar (and I am taking some liberties here): "I have come not to bury Clara Luper but to praise her." It was quite a service for a woman whose name should never be forgotten.
So, two people took that final journey - one who was considered one of the greatest civil rights icons of all time and the other a student who was too young to have reached the point where his achievements could be realized. In God's eyes, they are both great and they should both be remembered for having a significant impact on the lives of those around them. Rest in peace, Clara Luper and Joshua Griffin!
J.W.O.A.G.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Online dating
I know. Just the sound of it actually makes me cringe a little. When I first separated from my son's mother (yeah, I don't refer to her as my baby's mama), I had a strong desire to just be around people. And while my friends were great at that time, what I really needed was companionship from those of the fairer sex. And my options seemed really limited - bars, set-ups from friends, church singles groups, work, or online dating.
Bars are a place where I have met women I have actually gone on dates with - some have been girls about whom I have nothing but good things to say and some were girls who probably were destined for a 5 to 10 stint in a caged facility at some point. But generally I wasn't sure I wanted my "how we met" story to start as a drunken stupor at a local drinking establishment.
I have been set up by a handful of friends during the nearly five years (wow, it has nearly been five years!) but those probably turned out to be my worst dates (at some point, I'm sure I will talk about the "recovered" heroin addict who was sat on the floor at a local bar while rocking back and forth). I have never really delved into why my friends must hate me that much that I've only been set up with women who were nothing but toxic for me but that is just the way it has turned out. No love lost for those friends who tried though.
Initially the church singles groups didn't work out for one simple reason - I was attending a very small church that just was devoid of single women in my acceptable dating range. And I wasn't looking to start going to another church just to sign up for a singles group. However, I have since switched to a "chain" church so this one is a possibility for the future. Who knows?
Work was where I believed I would actually end up meeting someone but that never happened. Probably in part because it can generally be all work and no play at the State Capitol, which is where I worked for the first three years of my being single life. And I'm sure part of it was because I had been reduced to having zero game when it came to flirting and picking up women by the time my marriage was coming to an end.
So with all of those thoughts on my plate five years ago, I decided to take the advice of a recently divorced friend of mine and try out Yahoo Personals. I have to admit that even today, probably the two best dating experiences I had through online dating started on this site. It has been so long since I actually used that site (which has since merged with Match.com) that I can't actually remember much about what I liked and didn't like about that site. The one thing I do remember not liking is that they made it difficult to exchange email addresses and phone numbers. Oh, and I seemed to be a babe magnet for hot yet poor Russian women who were desperately seeking a husband - if only I would send her money for a plane ticket and then be ready to pick her up at the airport. If only I had been that desperate or gullible, I might be happily married right now lol!
So at some point I decided to try out Match.com, probably because they offered me a very discounted rate for a month or two to get me hooked. And it worked. And I'm not sure why because I probably had the least dating success with this site. The main problem I had was that women just seemed to rarely respond. At first, it was extremely frustrating and then eventually I started to have a better understanding. It was pointed out to me that many women receive hundreds of "winks" and messages a day and honestly people only have so much time they can dedicate to something like that. The difficult part for me was trying to figure out why my profile never seemed to be one that stood out. To this day, I have not solved that mystery although I am sure there are more than enough of you out there who are chomping at the bit to tell me why lol. So eventually I dropped off this site too.
The final online dating site I attempted to find my match on was eHarmony, which in theory should be the best one out there. They really make you answer a lot of questions before you complete your profile and they apparently do a lot of work to get you in touch with people who are supposed to really match up with you well. Unfortunately, what happens a lot of the time is that each step seems to take a day or two to get anywhere and even then when you get to what they call "open communication," then there is still only a 50/50 chance you'll still be interested in the person you are talking to. But the truth is I've actually only dated a couple of people from eHarmony and neither of them really turned out to be a good match for me (and let's be honest - I'm not the most difficult person in the world to get along with!).
So, what I've found with online dating thus far is that it really hasn't led to any success in the dating world, which is really what it is designed to do. Amazingly enough, I have developed several friendships through online dating, which is not really what it is supposed to do. Apparently, I am a guy who just seems to be more comfortable being in the friend zone lol.
That said, I have started giving online dating another shot. I guess it is like that girl you dated who is full of promise and seems fun but always disappoints you in the end (and this is just a general perception, not an actual person I know lol). There is just enough there to convince me to give it another chance and I have even been optimistic about what it may lead to. But honestly, I have no reason to believe it will lead to anything. But as the eternal glass half full guy, I guess it is no surprise that they seem to always be able to draw me back in (at $10 a month, how could I say no to that lol?).
But for the girls out there, I do have some advice. 1) CLOSE out those guys you don't intend to pursue a date with. You might be worth the wait but that is a red flag when you appear to already be playing a game (and this only relates to those people who are obviously still active but not so obviously paying attention). 2) Don't put down that you are into camping if you're not. And we all know you're not. Those of us who do actually go camping recognize that the ratio of men to women is 9 to 1 at the campsites. That's fact. If 80 percent of the guys say they like camping, then that probably means that only about one in 10 women actually do. We are on to your little game, ladies! 3) The profile is a good way to screen out the d-bags and tools. I can recognize one in a second and since you are the ones dating them all the time, you should be much better at knowing when you are dating one. I shouldn't have to tell you that a guy in his mid- to late-thirties wearing an Affliction T-shirt in his profile is probably someone who is only interested in a short-term relationship (that is online dating talk for sex). If this is what you are looking for as well, then you should call them (and call me too - we need to talk lol). 4) If you get a "wink" or message from someone who is a 99 percent match to you, it is appropriate to let them know why dating experts think the two of you would be a good match but you have no interest. Maybe there is a reason all of your prior relationships have failed! 5) If you say that the top things you look for are things like honesty, loyalty, and trustworthiness, and then you only reply to messages to guys with six- and seven-digit incomes - you are missing out on a lot of guys who actually have a reason to be honest, loyal, and trustworthy. I'm not saying rich guys are more likely to be dishonest, not loyal, and not trustworthy - but the newspapers, TV stations, news websites, and radio stations do tell us that on a daily basis. There are many more things I will probably remember as I get back into this but this will do for now.
So for all of you who think the only people who use these websites for dating are sleazy and desperate, I have no reason to say you are wrong. But I have met some great women (but not so great for me or vice verse) on there and I just happen to think I am probably one of the better guys who is on any of those sites. As for how this works out in the future, only time will tell. Or maybe I'll just end up meeting someone the next time I go camping with my son. :)
J.W.O.A.G.
Bars are a place where I have met women I have actually gone on dates with - some have been girls about whom I have nothing but good things to say and some were girls who probably were destined for a 5 to 10 stint in a caged facility at some point. But generally I wasn't sure I wanted my "how we met" story to start as a drunken stupor at a local drinking establishment.
I have been set up by a handful of friends during the nearly five years (wow, it has nearly been five years!) but those probably turned out to be my worst dates (at some point, I'm sure I will talk about the "recovered" heroin addict who was sat on the floor at a local bar while rocking back and forth). I have never really delved into why my friends must hate me that much that I've only been set up with women who were nothing but toxic for me but that is just the way it has turned out. No love lost for those friends who tried though.
Initially the church singles groups didn't work out for one simple reason - I was attending a very small church that just was devoid of single women in my acceptable dating range. And I wasn't looking to start going to another church just to sign up for a singles group. However, I have since switched to a "chain" church so this one is a possibility for the future. Who knows?
Work was where I believed I would actually end up meeting someone but that never happened. Probably in part because it can generally be all work and no play at the State Capitol, which is where I worked for the first three years of my being single life. And I'm sure part of it was because I had been reduced to having zero game when it came to flirting and picking up women by the time my marriage was coming to an end.
So with all of those thoughts on my plate five years ago, I decided to take the advice of a recently divorced friend of mine and try out Yahoo Personals. I have to admit that even today, probably the two best dating experiences I had through online dating started on this site. It has been so long since I actually used that site (which has since merged with Match.com) that I can't actually remember much about what I liked and didn't like about that site. The one thing I do remember not liking is that they made it difficult to exchange email addresses and phone numbers. Oh, and I seemed to be a babe magnet for hot yet poor Russian women who were desperately seeking a husband - if only I would send her money for a plane ticket and then be ready to pick her up at the airport. If only I had been that desperate or gullible, I might be happily married right now lol!
So at some point I decided to try out Match.com, probably because they offered me a very discounted rate for a month or two to get me hooked. And it worked. And I'm not sure why because I probably had the least dating success with this site. The main problem I had was that women just seemed to rarely respond. At first, it was extremely frustrating and then eventually I started to have a better understanding. It was pointed out to me that many women receive hundreds of "winks" and messages a day and honestly people only have so much time they can dedicate to something like that. The difficult part for me was trying to figure out why my profile never seemed to be one that stood out. To this day, I have not solved that mystery although I am sure there are more than enough of you out there who are chomping at the bit to tell me why lol. So eventually I dropped off this site too.
The final online dating site I attempted to find my match on was eHarmony, which in theory should be the best one out there. They really make you answer a lot of questions before you complete your profile and they apparently do a lot of work to get you in touch with people who are supposed to really match up with you well. Unfortunately, what happens a lot of the time is that each step seems to take a day or two to get anywhere and even then when you get to what they call "open communication," then there is still only a 50/50 chance you'll still be interested in the person you are talking to. But the truth is I've actually only dated a couple of people from eHarmony and neither of them really turned out to be a good match for me (and let's be honest - I'm not the most difficult person in the world to get along with!).
So, what I've found with online dating thus far is that it really hasn't led to any success in the dating world, which is really what it is designed to do. Amazingly enough, I have developed several friendships through online dating, which is not really what it is supposed to do. Apparently, I am a guy who just seems to be more comfortable being in the friend zone lol.
That said, I have started giving online dating another shot. I guess it is like that girl you dated who is full of promise and seems fun but always disappoints you in the end (and this is just a general perception, not an actual person I know lol). There is just enough there to convince me to give it another chance and I have even been optimistic about what it may lead to. But honestly, I have no reason to believe it will lead to anything. But as the eternal glass half full guy, I guess it is no surprise that they seem to always be able to draw me back in (at $10 a month, how could I say no to that lol?).
But for the girls out there, I do have some advice. 1) CLOSE out those guys you don't intend to pursue a date with. You might be worth the wait but that is a red flag when you appear to already be playing a game (and this only relates to those people who are obviously still active but not so obviously paying attention). 2) Don't put down that you are into camping if you're not. And we all know you're not. Those of us who do actually go camping recognize that the ratio of men to women is 9 to 1 at the campsites. That's fact. If 80 percent of the guys say they like camping, then that probably means that only about one in 10 women actually do. We are on to your little game, ladies! 3) The profile is a good way to screen out the d-bags and tools. I can recognize one in a second and since you are the ones dating them all the time, you should be much better at knowing when you are dating one. I shouldn't have to tell you that a guy in his mid- to late-thirties wearing an Affliction T-shirt in his profile is probably someone who is only interested in a short-term relationship (that is online dating talk for sex). If this is what you are looking for as well, then you should call them (and call me too - we need to talk lol). 4) If you get a "wink" or message from someone who is a 99 percent match to you, it is appropriate to let them know why dating experts think the two of you would be a good match but you have no interest. Maybe there is a reason all of your prior relationships have failed! 5) If you say that the top things you look for are things like honesty, loyalty, and trustworthiness, and then you only reply to messages to guys with six- and seven-digit incomes - you are missing out on a lot of guys who actually have a reason to be honest, loyal, and trustworthy. I'm not saying rich guys are more likely to be dishonest, not loyal, and not trustworthy - but the newspapers, TV stations, news websites, and radio stations do tell us that on a daily basis. There are many more things I will probably remember as I get back into this but this will do for now.
So for all of you who think the only people who use these websites for dating are sleazy and desperate, I have no reason to say you are wrong. But I have met some great women (but not so great for me or vice verse) on there and I just happen to think I am probably one of the better guys who is on any of those sites. As for how this works out in the future, only time will tell. Or maybe I'll just end up meeting someone the next time I go camping with my son. :)
J.W.O.A.G.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Loyalty
The NBA playoffs this year have shown me a new perspective on life as I know it. Not so much that I taught myself something new about who I am but what I have found about other people. As an adult I have always been a fan of the Dallas Mavericks. Sure, I grew up loving the Chicago Bulls just like everyone else my age did - it was a Michael Jordan respect thing and I don't apologize for it. I played basketball and I wanted to "Be Like Mike" just like everyone else. Obviously that didn't work out for me the way I had hoped!
Anyway, there is no doubt I have been loyal to the Dallas Mavericks. That said, when New Orleans temporarily moved to Oklahoma City, I went to games and I rooted for the "home team" just as much as anyone else. The same goes for the OKC Thunder (whose salaries are indirectly paid partially by my tax increase). I have been a big fan from the beginning. However, when they play the Mavs, I have been loyal to my team. It is something that has never been a problem with people during the regular season. In fact, it probably never came up. I only physically saw the two play against each other in person and that game was in Dallas. So none of my OKC friends (which is most of them) have seen me at a game in OKC rooting for the Mavs.
But this year, especially with Twitter and Facebook, many of my friends have discovered a side of me they had apparently never paid enough attention to in the past. And they were not happy with me. Now, the funny thing for me is that many of them had never really shown a strong sports side before so it was somewhat amusing for me that people who thought a double dribble had something to do with babies were giving me a hard time about the team I pulled for. At the end of the day, this never changed who I supported though for one reason - I am loyal.
This absolutely applies to sports in this case but it is just an extension of who I am as a person. It was amazing to me that there were so many people who legitimately got mad at me because I didn't switch automatically when OKC got its own team. Admittedly, I probably would have never been drawn to the Mavs had OKC had a team when I was evolving into adulthood. They were closest team and were a natural team for me to be a fan of. But regardless, my support for the Mavs has just grown and grown through the years. I was a fan when they were horrible - when Roy Tarpley was the promise of a better future and James Donaldson was considered an upgrade from what we had. Then there were the three J's (Jim Jackson, Jamal Mashburn, and Jason Kidd) but the team just never was able to put anything together. Finally Mark Cuban has compiled a series of quality teams centered around Dirk Nowitzki and has had several guys come and go, ranging from Steve Nash to Nick Van Exel to Shawn Bradley to Shaquille O'Neal (no, he never played for the Mavs - I had to make sure you were still paying attention!).
Through it all, I have been loyal. I am the same with my other sports teams.
* The Miami Dolphins, who I first became a fan of during my childhood because I didn't care much for a lot of people I knew who were Dallas Cowboys fans.
* The Texas Rangers, who have done nothing but embarrass and disappoint me until they made it to the World Series last year.
* The New York Rangers, and this one is a little more complicated. I was a huge fan of the U.S. winning the "Miracle on Ice" during the Olympics in 1980. A couple of the more high-profile players ended up on the New York Rangers, which happened around a time in my life when I as an Oklahoma City kid played organized hockey. Thus, fandom was born and has never gone away. But the truth is, I'm not much of a hockey fan.
* THE University of Oklahoma. Yeah, you know what it is - Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner (google or search on youtube for Tony Jefferson "Black and Yellow" and this will make much more sense). I was born a Sooner fan and will always be a Sooner fan. Even during the Schnellenberger and Blake eras. At least with OU, there have been some fantastic highs to offset those low lows!
So I say all this to get to the point - loyalty. People just don't understand that loyalty in sports is something that is an extension of one's personality. I can assure you "The Governorator" does not have a team that he is loyal to. Same goes for Bill Clinton. So all those people who were busting my chops (yeah, I say that phrase) about being a Mavs fan - just know that this is one of those qualities that also dictates what kind of friend I am, what kind of relationships I enter into, and why I tend to defend people who may or may not deserve my support.
I'm not here to bash any of these people who were quick to label me a Judas for sticking with the team I have always been a fan of (at least since they knew me) but it is noteworthy that people can be ridiculously ridiculous when it comes to jumping on bandwagons. It is not a surprise that most - maybe all - of those people who gave me a hard time (some more than others) don't seem to have long-standing friendships or great relationships with the people who are in their life.
So with all of that out there, I will close with this - the Mavs are up 3-2 over the Miami (Over)Heat(ed) and I fully expect Dallas to close it out, regardless of whether it takes 6 or 7 games. Let's Go Mavs!!!
J.W.O.A.G.
Anyway, there is no doubt I have been loyal to the Dallas Mavericks. That said, when New Orleans temporarily moved to Oklahoma City, I went to games and I rooted for the "home team" just as much as anyone else. The same goes for the OKC Thunder (whose salaries are indirectly paid partially by my tax increase). I have been a big fan from the beginning. However, when they play the Mavs, I have been loyal to my team. It is something that has never been a problem with people during the regular season. In fact, it probably never came up. I only physically saw the two play against each other in person and that game was in Dallas. So none of my OKC friends (which is most of them) have seen me at a game in OKC rooting for the Mavs.
But this year, especially with Twitter and Facebook, many of my friends have discovered a side of me they had apparently never paid enough attention to in the past. And they were not happy with me. Now, the funny thing for me is that many of them had never really shown a strong sports side before so it was somewhat amusing for me that people who thought a double dribble had something to do with babies were giving me a hard time about the team I pulled for. At the end of the day, this never changed who I supported though for one reason - I am loyal.
This absolutely applies to sports in this case but it is just an extension of who I am as a person. It was amazing to me that there were so many people who legitimately got mad at me because I didn't switch automatically when OKC got its own team. Admittedly, I probably would have never been drawn to the Mavs had OKC had a team when I was evolving into adulthood. They were closest team and were a natural team for me to be a fan of. But regardless, my support for the Mavs has just grown and grown through the years. I was a fan when they were horrible - when Roy Tarpley was the promise of a better future and James Donaldson was considered an upgrade from what we had. Then there were the three J's (Jim Jackson, Jamal Mashburn, and Jason Kidd) but the team just never was able to put anything together. Finally Mark Cuban has compiled a series of quality teams centered around Dirk Nowitzki and has had several guys come and go, ranging from Steve Nash to Nick Van Exel to Shawn Bradley to Shaquille O'Neal (no, he never played for the Mavs - I had to make sure you were still paying attention!).
Through it all, I have been loyal. I am the same with my other sports teams.
* The Miami Dolphins, who I first became a fan of during my childhood because I didn't care much for a lot of people I knew who were Dallas Cowboys fans.
* The Texas Rangers, who have done nothing but embarrass and disappoint me until they made it to the World Series last year.
* The New York Rangers, and this one is a little more complicated. I was a huge fan of the U.S. winning the "Miracle on Ice" during the Olympics in 1980. A couple of the more high-profile players ended up on the New York Rangers, which happened around a time in my life when I as an Oklahoma City kid played organized hockey. Thus, fandom was born and has never gone away. But the truth is, I'm not much of a hockey fan.
* THE University of Oklahoma. Yeah, you know what it is - Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner (google or search on youtube for Tony Jefferson "Black and Yellow" and this will make much more sense). I was born a Sooner fan and will always be a Sooner fan. Even during the Schnellenberger and Blake eras. At least with OU, there have been some fantastic highs to offset those low lows!
So I say all this to get to the point - loyalty. People just don't understand that loyalty in sports is something that is an extension of one's personality. I can assure you "The Governorator" does not have a team that he is loyal to. Same goes for Bill Clinton. So all those people who were busting my chops (yeah, I say that phrase) about being a Mavs fan - just know that this is one of those qualities that also dictates what kind of friend I am, what kind of relationships I enter into, and why I tend to defend people who may or may not deserve my support.
I'm not here to bash any of these people who were quick to label me a Judas for sticking with the team I have always been a fan of (at least since they knew me) but it is noteworthy that people can be ridiculously ridiculous when it comes to jumping on bandwagons. It is not a surprise that most - maybe all - of those people who gave me a hard time (some more than others) don't seem to have long-standing friendships or great relationships with the people who are in their life.
So with all of that out there, I will close with this - the Mavs are up 3-2 over the Miami (Over)Heat(ed) and I fully expect Dallas to close it out, regardless of whether it takes 6 or 7 games. Let's Go Mavs!!!
J.W.O.A.G.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Getting started
Hi, I'm Jeff and at this point you either know me, think you know me, or are probably needing some kind of hook to get you to read further. Who am I? Just a guy, really! On the surface, I am just your typical guy who has experienced many of life's highs and lows. But my hope (maybe I should call it a guarantee?!) is that you will greatly enjoy my life's "adventures." There are some characters in my life and some of them need to be known by the world.
I suspect we will endure some laughs, some tears, and some yawns. But I will always try to keep it interesting and if not, I'm sure I can just go away like certain people need to (hello, Sarah Palin and Congressman Weiner!).
As for the name, I don't really have any fascination of Joe Walsh more so than anyone else. For those of you who don't know (as if you haven't already googled it) he is a former guitarist/vocalist for the James Gang and The Eagles. But the song that stands out to me from his solo career was "Ordinary Average Guy." Ironically, I don't really view myself that way but statistically that is probably right where I fall.
I don't want to tell you my life story in the first blog but I would like for people to get to know me more as I continue to post. I intend to blog at least three or four times a week but some weeks may have less and some weeks may be full of amazing nonsense! I hope you enjoy and just as important, I hope that I get some enjoyment out of putting my life on a blog.
J.W.O.A.G.
I suspect we will endure some laughs, some tears, and some yawns. But I will always try to keep it interesting and if not, I'm sure I can just go away like certain people need to (hello, Sarah Palin and Congressman Weiner!).
As for the name, I don't really have any fascination of Joe Walsh more so than anyone else. For those of you who don't know (as if you haven't already googled it) he is a former guitarist/vocalist for the James Gang and The Eagles. But the song that stands out to me from his solo career was "Ordinary Average Guy." Ironically, I don't really view myself that way but statistically that is probably right where I fall.
I don't want to tell you my life story in the first blog but I would like for people to get to know me more as I continue to post. I intend to blog at least three or four times a week but some weeks may have less and some weeks may be full of amazing nonsense! I hope you enjoy and just as important, I hope that I get some enjoyment out of putting my life on a blog.
J.W.O.A.G.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)