The other day I wanted to check in on a friend who had been
dealing with some health problems over the last year. I went to his Facebook
page to see what posts I had been missing when I realized we were no longer
friends. I wasn’t sure what happened and I decided not to text him to find out
what happened. But it did bother me.
One of the great things about social media is that it allows
you to stay in touch with people who you might not normally be able to keep up
with on a daily basis. Whether it is old friends from school or distant family
members or buddies who live in another state or country, social media has
opened doors that haven’t always existed. On the downside is the rejection that
comes with the realities of being unfriended or unfollowed on social media.
In the case of this particular friend, he lives a couple of
hours away and isn’t someone I normally talk to. However, he checked in on me
daily when I was struggling with my back injury and recovery, and that always
kept him in high regard for me. Only a handful of my friends went so far as to
check on me during that time via phone or social media, so I greatly
appreciated everyone who actually took time out of their day to make sure I
wasn’t feeling down. So, to see this person suddenly delete me as a friend on
Facebook was surprising, to say the least.
Given the posts that have appeared on my pages, I can
sometimes understand why some people may choose to opt out of that. I have been
political in the past. I have taken strong stances on some controversial
issues. I like to take photos and I like to post them. I write a weekly blog, I
do volunteer work and I routinely contribute to Nondoc. Much of that is posted
on my social media pages. But lately I haven’t been posting all that much on my
personal pages, while instead focusing on building my company pages and
attempting to find new clients who will allow me to run their business social
media pages.
For some people, being unfriended on Facebook or Twitter
isn’t something that matters to them. It’s a popularity contest, but some
people legitimately don’t concern themselves with who is following them. For
most of us, however, social media rejection is something that feels almost as
empty as losing a friend outside of social media.
I’m used to having my friend lists on Twitter, Instagram and
Facebook fluctuating. Especially with Twitter and Instagram, I have a lot of
non-friends following me and I rarely notice when their pages go away or they
decide to no longer follow me. But with Facebook, it is more personal. Most of
the 700-plus people who I have befriended there are someone I am friends with
outside of Facebook. So, if they decide to unfriend me (or not accept my friend
request, as has also happened), it can feel the same as if they called me on
the phone and said to never talk to them again. It’s personal.
The truth is, many of you who read this will laugh and find
it humorous that someone would actually care enough about social media that
losing a friend on Facebook would actually mean anything. But my guess is that
friend who was so supportive less than two years ago is someone I could never
talk to again, and it all began with a random decision to delete me as a
Facebook friend.
So, yes, the struggle is real, even if it isn’t something
that some of you don’t take seriously. Keep that in mind as you randomly blow
off a friend request from someone you know or if you decide to cut social media
ties with a long-time friend for reasons unknown. Social media is an extension
of our daily lives and there is significant meaning to unfriending someone. You
are literally telling them they are no longer your friend.
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