Drawing the Line on Ridicule

Her life began as what could be described as relatively normal. Except for that bubble in her heart. It wasn’t something that was just going to go away on its own. Surgical science in the mid-1970’s wasn’t what it is today, so an operation of that magnitude was a big deal at the time. It wasn’t successful. The entire left side of her body was instantly paralyzed, and the remaining three decades of her life were spent attempting to rehabilitate what once had the potential to be a normally functioning body.

Developing as an infant with hemi-paralysis stunting development is every much as difficult as it sounds. Mental and physical limitations. Grand mal seizures. An inability to socialize normally. Frustration. Every bit of it beyond her control, yet she continued to bask in the glories that life sometimes provided with a smile that will forever be etched in the minds of those who surrounded her.

But mostly, life was difficult for her. The grand mal seizures were more than just the physical damage they tolled internally on her heart and brain. The negative effects from the endless amounts of medicine taken to assist with the negatives of her condition. The falls that resulted from the seizures, causing scrapes and bruises that seemed to never quite go away. The pain. The constant pain.

Compared to my little sister, my life has been a blessing. Sure, I’ve spent my share of time in the hospital, all due to the choices I was allowed to make to test the limits of my body while playing sports. My sister, Shelly, experienced some of those same thrills as a Special Olympics athlete, but that was only after she overcame obstacles most people couldn’t envision. Her life was not her own to live and it was something most of us could never imagine having to endure, even for a moment.

Having grown up with my sister dealing with her condition gave me a unique perspective about those who were born with misfortunes beyond their control. I saw firsthand as people called her a “retard” or laughed at her for something she couldn’t change. She took as much abuse verbally and emotionally as her body did physically, which brings tears to my eyes as I write these words today.

I know I should have stood up for her more than I did when she was alive, which is why I can’t sit back and allow the world to continue to hurl insults at her and those like her just because they support the guy who clearly has no respect for people’s disabilities.

Over a week ago, actress Meryl Streep called on the press to do their due diligence in standing up for people who were the targets of abuse from those in power. Then-presidential candidate Donald Trump had made fun of the condition of reporter Serge Kovaleski, who suffers from a congenital joint condition that causes him to deal with forcibly awkward movements and daily pain. Trump recalled a conversation he had with the reporter and mocked the way he appeared as he talked about it. I was embarrassed at the time that he would stoop to that level, but I also didn’t consider him someone who would actually appeal to enough voters to win the primary and especially the general election.

I have been around a lot of people who don’t know how to act around disabled people. Some of them just feel awkward and try to be nice. Some of them just try to avoid eye contact and focus on something else. Some of them, unfortunately, are like Trump – they mock them and don’t care how it makes the person feel.

What stood out to me last week was when people stood up for Trump. I assumed they were just supporting “their guy” and I didn’t put too much thought into what they were actually complaining about. That was until I read the transcript of what Ms. Streep said. Her focus was on how Trump used his bully pulpit to mock a disabled person. And the people who were showing their support for Trump weren’t displaying ignorance as to what the content of the speech was about. They mostly tried to convince others that he had not, in fact, done what he did. Or they just stood up for Trump without offering an opinion as to what it was they were standing for.

How people are willing to be perceived is up to them, but I insist on drawing the line when it comes to people who are disabled. They are often born into situations they couldn’t control or they have been the victim of some unfortunate accident that changed their lives for the worse. And to add insult to injury, they are mocked by people whose privileged lives apparently allow them to say whatever they want to say to anyone they want anytime they want.

When Trump turned out to be the chauvinist we all assumed he was, nobody listened to me because I wasn’t a woman. When Trump turned out to be a racist with all his anti-immigrant rhetoric, nobody listened to me because I was a white male who should enjoy the benefits of such for at least the next four years. But today, I will not be silenced because my sister and others like her don’t have the voices to speak for them that women and minorities do. Support Trump for his desire to lower taxes or for his position on reducing regulations and limiting government. Support him because his presence in the White House will get you those precious Supreme Court judges that will still never overturn Roe v. Wade. Do not, however, support the way he treats people or you are adopting his behavior as acceptable. And mocking Serge Kovaleski or Shelly Packham or anyone else with a disability is NEVER behavior that should be considered acceptable.