Waking Up to Reality

Just imagine if a person was cryogenically frozen 20 years ago and they were released from their chamber on 11/9/16, the day following the historic U.S. elections. Here is how I would envision that conversation.

Frozen Fred:  Wow, it is awfully cold.

Scientist Steve:  You should step outside. We are still continuing to ignore the obvious global warming signs. It’s 85 degrees outside right now.

Fred:  So, nothing much has changed in two decades. That’s surprising. I guess the Democrats don’t control the White House or Congress?

Steve:  Well, a Democrat is President but Congress is held by the Republicans.

Fred:  Oh yeah? That’s the same as it was 20 years ago.

Steve:  Yeah, but not for long. A Republican was elected yesterday and so Republicans will control Congress and the White House.

Fred:  What about the Supreme Court?

Steve:  It is considered split.

Fred:  Wait … aren’t there nine justices?

Steve:  Normally. One of the conservative justices passed away in February and the seat has been open since then.

Fred:  That’s insane. Why would it take nine months to replace such an important position?

Steve:  Republicans held out hope they would take over the White House and announced they would wait until the new President was in office before they moved forward on the replacement. And people were actually OK with that.

Fred:  Politics. Meanwhile, all the important cases up for review during that time have an asterisk next to them because the Senate Majority Leader decided to play games.

Steve:  Pretty much.

Fred:  So, who is the President?

Steve:  Barack Obama. The first African-American President in U.S. history. And he got two terms.

Fred:  Well, that was progress. And people still believe global warming doesn’t exist?

Steve:  Maybe 1 percent of the scientists don’t believe it. And around 30 percent of those surveyed. But there is also a link between those who don’t believe in global warming and a lack of education.

Fred:  Clearly. Well, maybe the President-elect will step up and make a difference. You know, before the planet dies.

Steve:  I wouldn’t count on it. The incoming President has said he doesn’t believe in global warming.

Fred:  Typical Republican politician.

Steve:  Not exactly. The President-elect has never held a public office before.

Fred:  Really? That’s refreshing. He must have some military or ambassador experience then, to get elected nowadays.

Steve:  No, he is actually a businessman and an entertainer.

Fred:  Like Penn and Teller?

Steve:  Ha! Not exactly. I’m sure you’ve heard of him, even having been frozen for 20 years. His name is Donald Trump.

Fred:  Ha ha! That’s a good one.

Steve:  No, seriously.

Fred:  Donald Trump? The same guy who sued the NFL so the USFL could have an unfair advantage?

Steve:  Yes.

Fred:  The same guy who filed bankruptcy four times?

Steve:  Actually, it is six now.

Fred:  So, a failed businessman is now the President-elect?

Steve:  Well, he has experienced some success spending his dad’s money. And clearly some failures too. But he has also made some money as the owner of the Miss USA pageant as well as through his reality show, “The Apprentice.”

Fred:  A reality show?

Steve:  Yeah, probably the only major reality show you might have heard of would be MTV’s “Real World.” But we had an explosion of successful reality shows since then and Trump cashed in on his own.

Fred:  “The Apprentice?”

Steve:  He started out letting regular people compete for a job working for him. Then he expanded out to also have a celebrity version that hired celebrity winners.

Fred:  People watched this?

Steve:  It was really popular. And while the celebrity version didn’t have major A-listers, it was still a show people enjoyed watching.

Fred:  Who were some of the celebrities?

Steve:  Some of the winners included Joan Rivers, Bret Michaels, Arsenio Hall, Trace Adkins and Leeza Gibbons.

Fred:  Wait, who are Bret Michaels and Trace Adkins?

Steve:  Adkins came out with his first album a year before you were frozen. Country music. Michaels was the lead singer of Poison.

Fred:  Poison? As in “Every Rose Has Its Thorn?”

Steve:  That’s the one. He went from an 80’s hair band to a job working for Donald Trump. Who is now President.

Fred:  What was so popular about him?

Steve:  As has every presidential candidate before him, he promised change.

Fred:  From an African-American president? What does that say about the voters?

Steve:  Well, it’s relatively obvious. They fought him for eight years and made it next to impossible to pass anything. Other than a health care plan that provides insurance for everyone.

Fred:  Who would argue against that? Isn’t a significant part of medical and insurance payments based on costs associated with the uninsured?

Steve:  It would seem like that. But costs have continued to go up, regardless.

Fred:  Greedy private companies. Let me guess – they blame the President instead.

Steve:  Exactly. And then instead of following up with electing the first African-American president by electing the first female president, they chose to go with a guy who has a reputation for shady deals and changing his position when it suits him. He actually convinced people he would bring jobs back to the United States and he is one of the leaders in shipping jobs off to China and Mexico. And not surprisingly enough, he is already talking about flip-flopping on some of positions that got him elected.

Fred:  Sounds like he already has politics down. Did you say something about the first female president?

Steve:  Yes. Hillary Clinton was the Democratic nominee.

Fred:  That is actually not too surprising. She seemed to have some political aspirations when her husband was elected. Guess we can’t have too much progress.

Steve:  True. Maybe in four years.

Fred:  Well, I am going back into the chamber until then. Wake me up when the voters come to their senses.

Steve:  Hopefully, there will be someone around to wake you up. Sure you don’t want to stick around long enough to enjoy a venti Caramel Brulée Latte?

Fred:  Um, what?