Online dating

I know. Just the sound of it actually makes me cringe a little. When I first separated from my son's mother (yeah, I don't refer to her as my baby's mama), I had a strong desire to just be around people. And while my friends were great at that time, what I really needed was companionship from those of the fairer sex. And my options seemed really limited - bars, set-ups from friends, church singles groups, work, or online dating.

Bars are a place where I have met women I have actually gone on dates with - some have been girls about whom I have nothing but good things to say and some were girls who probably were destined for a 5 to 10 stint in a caged facility at some point. But generally I wasn't sure I wanted my "how we met" story to start as a drunken stupor at a local drinking establishment.

I have been set up by a handful of friends during the nearly five years (wow, it has nearly been five years!) but those probably turned out to be my worst dates (at some point, I'm sure I will talk about the "recovered" heroin addict who was sat on the floor at a local bar while rocking back and forth). I have never really delved into why my friends must hate me that much that I've only been set up with women who were nothing but toxic for me but that is just the way it has turned out. No love lost for those friends who tried though.

Initially the church singles groups didn't work out for one simple reason - I was attending a very small church that just was devoid of single women in my acceptable dating range. And I wasn't looking to start going to another church just to sign up for a singles group. However, I have since switched to a "chain" church so this one is a possibility for the future. Who knows?

Work was where I believed I would actually end up meeting someone but that never happened. Probably in part because it can generally be all work and no play at the State Capitol, which is where I worked for the first three years of my being single life. And I'm sure part of it was because I had been reduced to having zero game when it came to flirting and picking up women by the time my marriage was coming to an end.

So with all of those thoughts on my plate five years ago, I decided to take the advice of a recently divorced friend of mine and try out Yahoo Personals. I have to admit that even today, probably the two best dating experiences I had through online dating started on this site. It has been so long since I actually used that site (which has since merged with Match.com) that I can't actually remember much about what I liked and didn't like about that site. The one thing I do remember not liking is that they made it difficult to exchange email addresses and phone numbers. Oh, and I seemed to be a babe magnet for hot yet poor Russian women who were desperately seeking a husband - if only I would send her money for a plane ticket and then be ready to pick her up at the airport. If only I had been that desperate or gullible, I might be happily married right now lol!

So at some point I decided to try out Match.com, probably because they offered me a very discounted rate for a month or two to get me hooked. And it worked. And I'm not sure why because I probably had the least dating success with this site. The main problem I had was that women just seemed to rarely respond. At first, it was extremely frustrating and then eventually I started to have a better understanding. It was pointed out to me that many women receive hundreds of "winks" and messages a day and honestly people only have so much time they can dedicate to something like that. The difficult part for me was trying to figure out why my profile never seemed to be one that stood out. To this day, I have not solved that mystery although I am sure there are more than enough of you out there who are chomping at the bit to tell me why lol. So eventually I dropped off this site too.

The final online dating site I attempted to find my match on was eHarmony, which in theory should be the best one out there. They really make you answer a lot of questions before you complete your profile and they apparently do a lot of work to get you in touch with people who are supposed to really match up with you well. Unfortunately, what happens a lot of the time is that each step seems to take a day or two to get anywhere and even then when you get to what they call "open communication," then there is still only a 50/50 chance you'll still be interested in the person you are talking to. But the truth is I've actually only dated a couple of people from eHarmony and neither of them really turned out to be a good match for me (and let's be honest - I'm not the most difficult person in the world to get along with!).

So, what I've found with online dating thus far is that it really hasn't led to any success in the dating world, which is really what it is designed to do. Amazingly enough, I have developed several friendships through online dating, which is not really what it is supposed to do. Apparently, I am a guy who just seems to be more comfortable being in the friend zone lol.

That said, I have started giving online dating another shot. I guess it is like that girl you dated who is full of promise and seems fun but always disappoints you in the end (and this is just a general perception, not an actual person I know lol). There is just enough there to convince me to give it another chance and I have even been optimistic about what it may lead to. But honestly, I have no reason to believe it will lead to anything. But as the eternal glass half full guy, I guess it is no surprise that they seem to always be able to draw me back in (at $10 a month, how could I say no to that lol?).

But for the girls out there, I do have some advice. 1) CLOSE out those guys you don't intend to pursue a date with. You might be worth the wait but that is a red flag when you appear to already be playing a game (and this only relates to those people who are obviously still active but not so obviously paying attention). 2) Don't put down that you are into camping if you're not. And we all know you're not. Those of us who do actually go camping recognize that the ratio of men to women is 9 to 1 at the campsites. That's fact. If 80 percent of the guys say they like camping, then that probably means that only about one in 10 women actually do. We are on to your little game, ladies! 3) The profile is a good way to screen out the d-bags and tools. I can recognize one in a second and since you are the ones dating them all the time, you should be much better at knowing when you are dating one. I shouldn't have to tell you that a guy in his mid- to late-thirties wearing an Affliction T-shirt in his profile is probably someone who is only interested in a short-term relationship (that is online dating talk for sex). If this is what you are looking for as well, then you should call them (and call me too - we need to talk lol). 4) If you get a "wink" or message from someone who is a 99 percent match to you, it is appropriate to let them know why dating experts think the two of you would be a good match but you have no interest. Maybe there is a reason all of your prior relationships have failed! 5) If you say that the top things you look for are things like honesty, loyalty, and trustworthiness, and then you only reply to messages to guys with six- and seven-digit incomes - you are missing out on a lot of guys who actually have a reason to be honest, loyal, and trustworthy. I'm not saying rich guys are more likely to be dishonest, not loyal, and not trustworthy - but the newspapers, TV stations, news websites, and radio stations do tell us that on a daily basis. There are many more things I will probably remember as I get back into this but this will do for now.

So for all of you who think the only people who use these websites for dating are sleazy and desperate, I have no reason to say you are wrong. But I have met some great women (but not so great for me or vice verse) on there and I just happen to think I am probably one of the better guys who is on any of those sites. As for how this works out in the future, only time will tell. Or maybe I'll just end up meeting someone the next time I go camping with my son. :)

J.W.O.A.G.